1.  Always point your children to Scripture when you correct them. (Isaiah 8:20)  It does no good to simply tell them not to do something.  Identify the sin behind their actions, and pray with them to repent of it, to mortify the flesh, and overcome the sin in their life.  You’re a bad parent if you correct your children outside of a Biblical framework.

2.  Don’t use the Bible when you correct your children. If you do this, it will make them hate churchy things.  Plus, Dr. James Dobson says that the Bible is sometimes boring, and kids don’t really find it relevant to what’s going on in their lives.

3.  Don’t let your children develop worldly habits such as talking on the phone all the time, texting, emailing, etc. Keep them engaged with your own family, in the real world rather than the virtual world.  This helps foster biblical relationships instead of false ones based on flash or style.

4.  Buy your kids an iPhone. They’ll love you for it, and it’s handy for keeping in touch with their friends, texting, emailing, and making videos of themselves to post on their MySpace page.

5.  Don’t let your children have a personal MySpace or Facebook page. For that matter, you should monitor all of their time spent on the internet, and keep the computer in a visible place in the home, such as the living room.  The internet is an extremely dangerous place for children.

6.  Make sure your children have a computer in their room, with internet access. Kids need their privacy, and they’ll make lots of friends through social media websites, all the while exhibiting their creativity and expressing themselves.

7.  Don’t introduce your children to romance until they are old enough to understand the Biblical standard for it. God teaches us through His holy word that children shouldn’t be exposed to certain things before they are old enough to deal with it.  Recreational dating is a wicked phenomenon that has developed in western civilization, and the fruit of it is an ever-increasing divorce rate and the erosion of marriage as we know it.

8.  Make sure your child has a boyfriend or girlfriend, because if they don’t, they won’t be popular in school.

9.   Teach your children the importance of a Biblical marriage. You live this example in front of them every day, but tell them why you do it.  Explain to them why husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church, and why wives must be chaste keepers at home.  Explain to them why God ordained the institution of marriage to be between one man and one woman for life.

10.  Don’t be alarmed or freaked out if your child is confused about their gender. You should encourage whatever gender they feel like they are, so they won’t feel uncomfortable around you.  Also, make sure they understand that if two entities love each other, they have a right to be married.  Even if one of them is a tree or a rock.

11.  Teach your children the Biblical standard for voting. Christians must never vote for a political candidate who is not a Christian.  If they’re not a Christian, Scripture teaches us that they are not qualified to lead, and therefore it is a sin for Christians to vote for them.

12.  Teach your kids to vote a straight Republican or Democrat ticket, just like you do.

13.  Have lots of children. The Bible commands us to be fruitful and multiply.  Likewise, in the parable of the wheat and the tares, Christ teaches us the concept of wheat overwhelming the tares by numbers.  If Christians obey God’s command to be fruitful, and if they raise their children up faithfully, according to His word, righteousness will eventually fill the earth.  Plus, it gives your children the experience of having an actual family.  They will learn to love and serve one another in your household, and the importance of working toward the family oikonomia, if you have a lot of children.

14.  Don’t have more than one child. Get yourself sterilized after having one child.  It’s selfish to have too many kids, because, like, think of all the natural resources you’ll be devouring if you have too big of a family, not to mention your expanded carbon footprint.  You want to save the planet, don’t you?

15.  Educate your children at home. The Bible is very clear that the children of believers are holy, and part of our stewardship of the children God has blessed us with, is to train them up according to the way they should go.  This also teaches them God’s standard for the family, economics, and all of life.  The Bible should be your central textbook for every subject.  God does not have “a different plan” for some families.  Christians are to provide for the education of their own children, rather than stealing from the pocketbook of their neighbors to teach them through a public school system.

16.  Make sure your kids are in a good school. Karl Marx points out in chapter 2 of the Communist Manifesto that the whole purpose of a public school system is to do away with the musty old concept of a “family”.  And in the process, the children will be trained up to be faithful servants of a bureaucratic leviathan state which seeks to replace God’s kingdom with the kingdom of man.

17.  Teach your children to be entrepreneurial. The Biblical standard for men is that they should work to provide for their families.  Women are to manage the household economy while the husbands are laboring without in the field.  Gear the training of your children towards this worldview, and give them a vision to build up businesses of their own.  For example, buy your sons a lawnmower and put them to work serving their neighbors through a lawn-mowing business.  Another note:  If your children work in the family business, pay them for their labor.

18.  Make sure you don’t give your kids chores. They’ve had a hard day at school, and they need time to relax so they can play games or surf the internet.

19.  Make sure your kids understand the concept of Biblical authority in your household. God has appointed fathers as the head of the household, and mothers as the help meet.  Without this training, they won’t be able to understand their role in their own household one day.

20.  Make sure your kids believe men and women’s roles are equal. Actually, make sure they understand that women are actually the decision-makers in the house, and that mom’s career is important, because without it, mommy and daddy can’t afford the mortgage.  “Mommy has to work!  You want your own room, don’t you, Johnny?”